While driving to a bbq on July 4th, I caught a segment on NPR about the strain "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" has put on gay couples. As someone who already believes that DADT should be repelled, I was surprised how this segment framed the debate in a whole new light for me.
The deployment of troops is often marked by patriotic and emotional ceremonies. There are military bands and speeches, and for the families there are hugs, kisses, tears and public displays of emotion — unless the person shipping out is gay.
"I can't be there when he deploys to Iraq," said military spouse Ben Cartwright. "I can't be on the sidelines waving and crying and giving him a hug like everyone else can. If I do go to those things, I have to stand behind a tree and hide."
Military service is a sacrifice for any family. In exchange, service members get a wide array of benefits, from store discounts on military bases to help paying for education. But those perks are for the most part not available to gay or lesbian partners, because only married husbands and wives can get the military ID card needed to access them.
A typical military spouse would be notified of the injury immediately, and the couple would be reunited at a military hospital at the government's expense. However, since this relationship was invisible to the military, Carnes wasn't informed of the injury until weeks later, when his partner told him.
