Welcome to the "Douchebag Threate," our newest feature dedicated to the retarded world of music celebrity-pop culture. Here we go:

Amy Winehouse is giving Pete Doherty a run for the money and may even win his "Champion of the Fuck Ups" crown. The little princess' recent overdose, her constant last-minute gig cancellations, and her horrible performance at Lollapalooza have left her handlers thinking that maybe smoking heroin and crack aren't the smartest career decision. So after coming out and admitting she's hooked on dope, it seems that the singer has finally agreed to go to rehab...cue bad headlines. Douchebag Threat: 6.3..........

Britney Spears' assistant, Alli Simshas, has been subpoenaed in Kevin Federline's upcoming custody battle for their two children. It's kind of bad parenting that Kevin waited to move forward with his plan to protect their children until all the divorce papers were settled and he got paid. Wouldn't a truly concerned parent act immediately? Douchebag Threat: 4.8..........